My Gain

“You have your heads in your Bibles constantly because you think you’ll find eternal life there. But you miss the forest for the trees. These Scriptures are all about me! And here I am, standing right before you, and you aren’t willing to receive from me the life you say you want.“  John 5:39-40

 

When we read these words of Jesus at breakfast this morning, I was floored.  This describes how I lived my life for so many years.  Diligently searching the scriptures, trying to do what they said, seeking God’s approval, waiting until heaven to receive eternal life, but never realizing that I wasn’t coming to Jesus himself, and that eternal, abundant life could begin now. 

 

The last few years have been all about being born again for me, beginning as a little baby adopted by Father God and given a new name, gradually learning to come directly to Jesus myself, leave my burdens at his feet, and learning from him how to take up only his easy yoke and light burden, experiencing for myself his rest for my soul.  I have been so grateful all week for:  my adoption, my fresh start, the gentleness, humility, acceptance, and unconditional love I have found in Jesus, the fresh breath of the Holy Spirit in my life.  Why have I been given this amazing privilege?  Why was I granted the faith to believe?  I don’t know, but I am grateful, down deep in my bones. 

 

I felt Jesus leading me to take more time than I usually allot to devotions (hurray for the flexibility of home schooling) and to go on to examine Jesus’ teaching about prayer and how intimately he prays compared to the drudgery of a daily laundry list or scripted prayer we may feel pressured to perform ritualistically.  I love that our “Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!” Matthew 6:8.  I was just talking with a friend on Friday about how frequently God answers our prayers before we have even completely articulated our need.  We were sharing our experiences of hearing that “still small voice” guiding us in our everyday life.   What a joy we had not experienced when searching the scriptures alone, without coming directly to Jesus himself for life. 

 

Well, this morning, we talked about times the kids had come to me to ask something and I had already anticipated their need and responded before they were even finished.  The funniest was when we see Joy do the “potty dance” from afar off and as she is still running toward us to ask us to take her to the potty, we reach out our hand and invite her to come along to the restroom with us.  The most eye-opening for me, was recalling how after one girl asked for and received candy, another would come running, feeling a bit unjustly treated, asking why they couldn’t have a candy.  We were remembering together how willing I was to give them some, but they had not yet asked.  How often I feel spiritually envious not bothering to ask for myself.   We also talked about times they came running, when seeing another receive a treat, and before they can even get their request out, they see that I have prepared a treat for them as well. 

 

Anyway, after the famous Lord’s Prayer, Jesus said this, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14,15   It has been this forgiveness which has made such a difference in my life.  As Jesus has shown me the sin of my own bitterness and unwillingness to forgive those who have hurt me deeply, including God (yes, I was holding bitterness towards God for not preventing the tragedies in my life or miraculously taking them all away), He has brought me deep peace and rest as He has helped me to extend forgiveness myself.  I resonate too well with the parable of the unforgiving debtor found in Matthew 18:21-35.  This guy is forgiven a huge debt he could never have paid in his lifetime and then turns around and refuses to pardon the debt of his friend for a trivial amount of money he is working on paying.  When the man who forgave the huge debt finds out, he renigs the grace he has shown and has the man thrown in jail for failure to pay.  “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,” the Proverb goes.  Well, honestly, the fear of losing out on God’s mercy is a strong motivation for asking him to help me to “forgive my brothers and sisters from my heart.” Vs. 35. 

 

Dave and I watched two outstanding movies this weekend which both resonated with this same theme of forgiveness.  Fireproof, we watched at the theatre, and The End of the Spear, we watched projected on to our garage door, enjoying the outdoors with friends. (click on these links to Dave’s blog to read his reviews.)  Both were filled with the struggle of forgiveness, realizing we need it ourselves and relying on Jesus to enable us to extend it to those who have hurt us most deeply.  The first dealt with a marriage plagued with lack of respect, love, and the unfaithfulness of internet pornography and an emotional affair.  The second dealt with relationships burning with the hatred of the cycle of murder and revenge.  This story is told from the perspective of Steve Saint who, as an 8 year old boy, had lost his Father to the spear of a murderous tribe in Ecuador.  The last line in the End of the Spear sums up the redemption we have found in our own tragedies, “Through the years, people could always identify with our loss, but they could never imagine the way in which we would experience gain.”  

 

Grateful for all my gain,

Elizabeth

 

P.S. –   I am spending some concentrated time this Fall writing down some of my experiences in coming to Jesus myself, and the gain he has redeemed from my suffering.  Please continue to keep me in prayer as the Lord places me on your heart.  This is an emotional and time consuming undertaking and I need Jesus to lead the way.     

Fall Breakfasts at Deerhaven Cottage

I’ve been reading through the Gospel of John with my girls each morning at breakfast.  We are going slowly so we can savor each story and mull it over all day.  I have to say that I myself was feeling the tug at my heart to fall in love with Jesus all over again, and I knew the best way for me was to read through the gospel accounts of his life.  On our wedding anniversary this year, watching the video of our vow renewal from last year made me fall in love with Dave all over again.  I was hoping for the same and it is working.

I should also say that when we were praying about a theme verse for this school year with our girls, the Lord laid the verse “Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.”  Psalm 34:8 on our hearts.  It seemed a good idea to give them tastes of the Lord’s goodness each morning with breakfast by reading about Jesus together.

Well, today we were reading about Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well and I felt my spirit quicken when I read at the end of our passage the following verse:  “We no longer believe because of what you said;  now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.”  John 4:42.  The quickie background is that this Samaritan woman had left her encounter with Jesus changed and as she shared her story with others from her town, they too believed and urged Jesus to stay with them.  He stayed for two days during which many more became believers as they interacted with Jesus themselves.

Well, through the last 9 years of intense pain and suffering, I can now say this myself.  For most of my life previous, reading my Bible and many other books as well as listening to preachers and speakers, I too had heard about Jesus, but now, although there is much still for me to learn, I can say that I no longer believe because of others, but I know Jesus for myself.  What a precious gift he has given me of himself.

Beginning in this 4th chapter of John, Jesus offers living water, eternal life, no condemnation even in his knowing the laws we are not keeping, and then goes on to describe the kind of worshipers the Father seeks, and declare his identity as the Christ, the one who when he comes will explain everything.  Growing up with the knowledge of Jesus, I guess I have trouble remembering that before Jesus came to earth, people did not have such a loving and self-sacrificing picture of God.  My heart is overflowing in gratitude for the gift of Jesus to the world, and the gift of Jesus in my life.

My prayer is that my girls will also get to taste and see that the Lord is good, that each will be blessed as they take refuge in him, especially through spiritual worship.  That they too will someday be able to say that they no longer believe because of what I have told them, but because they have spent time receiving living water from Jesus themselves.

I think this is God’s desire for us all!  I think this is why Jesus came.

Resting in His Yoke,  Elizabeth

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

Embracing Life!

• In June three years ago, I had cancer surgery.
• In June two years ago, the Lord miraculously healed my physical heart.
• In June one year ago, I attended a 4 day Embracing Life Seminar during which God defeated the fear and lies I lived in and revealed his design, calling, and provision for my life.
• This June (accompanied by another cancer free Dr. report!!!) I am embracing the life God continues to give me, stepping out in faith to follow Him more radically. (more details below)

This embracing of life is both exhilarating and frightening. God’s working in the Exodus of the Israelites has been fueling my faith and working deep change within my heart as I learn how gracious God really is. For example, I had never really seen before how gracious God was in his initial conversation with Moses at the burning bush (recorded in Exodus 3-4).

Throughout this conversation begun by the Lord, Moses continues to respond to the Lord with his doubts and insecurities and God continues to answer Moses with more than Moses is even asking for. God encourages Moses and promises His own presence accompanied by a new name by which God is now to be known, miraculous signs, and details to prove his calling. Even when Moses still pleads with God to send someone else, and God’s anger burns against Moses, God already has Aaron on the way and again promises Moses His help and teaching.

I guess I never really noticed what was not in these verses, no condemnation, no guilt trip, no “don’t you know who you are talking to?”, no “get yourself together you can do this” pep talk, no “fine then, forget it, I will give the job to someone more grateful”… none of the responses I might think God would be perfectly entitled to give… Instead these responses remind me of Jesus in Matthew 11: 29, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart.” His surprising reassurance about the gentleness and humility with which He will be right beside us, with us, guiding and teaching us. And that is what the Lord actually does in Exodus… He leads and guides and provides and stays with His people.

Sometimes I am tempted to believe it was my own sin, pride, etc. which earned for me the punishment of cancer… but when I read about the Lord himself setting his people free from slavery and leading them to the desert where he provided for their every need, stayed with them continually, established his own relationship with them, I know that this is indeed how the Lord redeemed cancer for me. He set me free from my own areas of slavery and the slavery of cancer itself, provided for my every need, and looking back I see the story of how step by step through my own desert experiences of thirst and hunger and cravings, he established his own relationship with me, the greatest treasure of all.

I am challenged by the Israelites who were freed not to spend their freedom on whatever they pleased, but to worship the Lord, learn to know Him, and follow wherever He led them. And so this June, as I embrace the life God has gifted me with, I am happily busy worshiping him, getting to know him, following where he is leading me including:

• enjoying the break from daily homeschooling this month and seeking direction from the Lord for next year’s schooling
• speaking publicly of his faithfulness in my life,
• sharing privately and praying with and for others to receive his freedom and healing,
• facilitating an amazing group of women as we dive into God’s word and our own hearts together,
• writing down my heart’s journey with the Lord,
• joining a writers group for encouragement, and
• attending to the precious souls within my own home.

Please continue to pray for me. So many of you have held up my arms when I had no strength left, gone to battle for me against my enemies in prayer and worship, and carried the corners of my stretcher so that Jesus would heal me. I am truly grateful. He has answered and continues to answer our prayers. Don’t stop now!!!

Resting in Him, Elizabeth

(now blogging from Deerhaven Cottage, our new home for the past 6 months!)

4/9/08 Looking between the cracks as Joy is turning 3!

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” 2 Corinthians 4:7

I was so encouraged by this verse this morning! Sometimes I get to feeling down about what a fragile clay jar I am, and yet, if I may borrow a refrain from the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood, “all the better to see God working in, my dear.”

And wow, how I have seen God work in spite of my fears and lack of perfection! I’m sure my cracks have been all too clear to those watching me, but I can rejoice that these have shown all the more dramatically that God has been the source of every bit of light, power, hope, and joy in our lives!

I feel so blessed to be here planning to celebrate Joy’s 3rd birthday this weekend! Three years ago we were wondering if she would ever actually come out into the world (she was 10 days late!). We had no idea that my own life was in jeopardy. I am so grateful that despite all of my cracks as her mother, and all the time away from mothering her the cancer treatments took, the Lord has given her tremendous joy. I am so grateful to have been given a new life myself and be here to celebrate this day with her!

So, my fellow fragile clay jars, let us encourage one another to look not at each other’s cracks, but to look between the cracks to see God’s light shining through!

One very-cracked, so very well-lit, fragile clay jar, Elizabeth

“Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Praise & Prayer for March ‘08

Praises:

1-After a long wait for results due to going outside my healthcare system to another for improved testing technology, I got the results of my latest MRI and they were normal! Celebrating around here both Jesus’s resurrection as well as the new life He has gifted to me and my family! Thank you Lord! And thank you for those of you who faithfully pray! (The Dr. given chances aren’t good, but the Lord has beaten the odds so far!!!)

2- Black raspberries in the frozen section at Trader Joe’s! Remember praying with me for these to be available in Southern Cal. after the Canyon Ranch Dr.’s recommending I add them to my anti-cancer diet? We recently discovered them at the Brea Trader Joe’s!!!

3-I was able to receive 10 physical therapy treatments with a holistic physical therapist trained in lymph drainage. She used a similar method to some of the treatments I received at Canyon Ranch that were the most helpful. She reaffirmed my gluten and sugar free eating plan as helpful to relieving my lymphedema and helped me to recover after a flare-up following putting too many address labels on a mailing! (Who knew?) It was such a gift to be able to see her for just a low co-pay before she left Kaiser to start her own clinic!

4-We have this new blog up and running with its own subscription list so that I can reconnect with many of my long lost “pray for jen” prayer warriors and dear friends. (January 2007 the subscription list finally went completely defunct and I have been praying for a solution ever since. Many of you have prayed with me and here is is!) We are sending out a snail mail this week to catch everybody up and then follow up with e-mails as we can find old addresses. Please pass on this blog to your praying friends as well!

Please pray for:

1-I could really use your prayers as I do battle in my mind. Pray that the Lord would deliver me from negative and perfectionistic thoughts and that instead my mind would stay focussed on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy. The negative thoughts are like a cancer trying to multiply and take over my mind and attitude. I’m trying to “just say no” to those thoughts when I realize I am thinking them and load up on praiseworthy thoughts instead!

2-Along those same lines, I realized that I have slipped back into a few of my old bad eating habits. We’re still loading up on tons of organic produce, but I have allowed sugary non-dairy treats to slip back in and am starting to feel their effects in my body. Please pray for strength to fight the urges! Sugar is a top feeder of cancer cells and I certainly don’t want to feed them!!! On the plus side, I have found some fellow gluten-free allies in my homeschool group and this hasn’t been the battle it used to be!

Continuing to learn to rest in Jesus’ yoke,  Elizabeth

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”  Philippians 4: 4-9

The rock below the surf 2/28

I recently got a chance to take a walk on the same beach from which the picture at the head of this blog was taken. The tide was very low (not sure if it was time of day or being winter instead of summertime) and I could see below this jutting rock. In this picture, it seems inconceivable that the rock, sitting in the sand, would not just tip all the way over with the force of the waves pounding continually against it. And yet, the view from below was similar to an iceberg: The rock spread out wide as it met the sand and I’m sure continued down below.

What a beautiful picture of our relationship with God. Our foundation is hidden in Him and yet it is just that part, buried to the rest of the world, which supports us when the waves threaten to topple us over. I am often asked how we could have lived through the past years of seemingly increasing sets of waves pounding continually on us. We don’t know how we survived it either, we are simply grateful that God saw fit to sustain us and that He himself was our foundation.

 

This picture reminds me of

Psalm 18 (selected verses):

“I love you Lord; you are my strength.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;

my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.

…The ropes of death entangled me;

floods of destruction swept over me.

The grave wrapped its ropes around me;

death laid a trap in my path.

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;

yes, I prayed to my God for help.

…He drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemies,

From those who hated me and were too strong for me.

They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress,

But the Lord supported me.

He led me to a place of safety.

…For who is God except the Lord?

Who but our God is a solid rock?”

 

 

Resting in the yoke with the Lord, my rock, Els

 

“Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

A treat for my trouble!

Thank you for your continued prayers.  Good news:  all my bloodwork and physical exam checked out clean this visit!  Still awaiting a routine MRI… My Doctor has moved offices and we have to drive further now, but it takes us right past my favorite little healthy foods market and café so we can stop and combine a guilt free treat with our visits!  (Despite all our dietary changes, at my core I am still such a ‘foodie’!)  I feel every bit like a child who is being indulged so that they will undertake an unpleasant task.  Thank you Lord for giving me something to look forward to on these anxious days!  What a great Dad you are!

I am pondering a verse this morning which someone prayed for me on Friday, and eagerly anticipating living in its fulfillment. “I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him.  Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”  Romans 15:13 

From the yoke, Elizabeth 

“Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

 

2/22/08 What I can’t see today

I didn’t even notice the view from my kitchen window when we first bought our new home. My friend Pat first pointed out its magnificent view to me. Since that time, I have realized that the picturesque view of the snow capped San Gabriel mountains is not always clear. Rain, fog and Southern California smog frequently block my view of the beauty that still is even if I cannot see it.

I have been pondering this each morning as I stand at the sink filling my tea pot for my morning brew. It feels this way with my relationship with God. Sometimes, after a recent storm, or a time of many tears, it is simply magnificent to behold what the Lord has done when all I could focus on is staying as dry as possible in my snug cottage home.  Sometimes the Lord is hidden and we cannot see what He is up to and wonder if He is really out there, or really for us.

The temptation is the same Eve faced: to distrust God and either take matters into our own hands or wallow in our own helplessness. Today, I am choosing to trust that behind what I can see, lies my Redeemer, and that eventually, the clouds will part and I will see the beauty He is creating through the storm I face today. I can rest in the yoke next to Him, letting him lead and stopping when He stops, trusting He alone knows me completely, loves me passionately, and will work all things together for my good and His glory.

I would appreciate your prayers for His peace that passes understanding to guard my heart as I will visit my oncologist again today for the results of many recent tests.

From the yoke, Elizabeth

“Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

New Beginnings 1/1/08

We finally moved yesterday and spent our first night in our new home last night! It has been a crazy few months, but so good in many ways.

(Yes, we thought we would be moved in by Thanksgiving, but alas, the naivete of being first time home buyers!) When it turned out to be a move during the holidays, we were able to postpone it until after Christmas so we could enjoy the holidays. This is something I would have never treasured in the same way before death and cancer visited our home. I just want to celebrate each day I have and learn not to overload my system with too many stressors at once!

Thanks to help from family, dear friends, Dave’s students, money from the seller’s delay of moving, and a mistake and extra compensation on the mover’s part, we were able to move without me having to lift a single box (per Dr’s orders to protect my lymphedemic arm)! Amazing!

And now we begin the new year so romantically, waking up in our new home! I am looking forward to this year of new beginnings as we continue to watch the Lord redeem our sufferings and restore our life!

(Don’t get the wrong idea from the cheeriness of this post that we have not had just as many angry/tense/tearful/stressed out moments as anyone moving… we’re still human you know! But truly when we look at it as a grand adventure and try to see God’s heroic part and how we are being grown through the process, it inspires gratefulness and an excitement to watch the next chapter unfold.) (There is a great little book called “Epic” by John Eldredge which has inspired us in this line of thinking. We highly recommend this quick read.)

Thank you for continuing to pray for us! We are hoping to get back into contact with so many who we have lost track of because of the old prayforjen e-mail subscription list going defunct over a year ago. Pray that the lines of communication are reestablished soon!

Resting in His yoke, Elizabeth, now posting from Deerhaven Cottage

“Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Tea Time Redemption 12/16/08

I was reminded again how faithful the Lord has been to us especially on the journey of the last five years. Yesterday, at my dear friend’s church Tea, I was able to share the highlights of the journey the Lord walked with us since finding out about our little Michael’s Trisomy 13 (which was five years ago, right after Christmas). It was just so precious to get to share and see that the Lord is still redeeming our suffering as He uses it to bring hope and encouragement to others. Thank you for those of you who were praying for my preparation and for their reception.

We can only ponder and wonder what in the world Mary must have been thinking as the angel told her about the baby she would soon be having and His purpose in this world!  I’m sure it all didn’t go as she imagined it would, and yet we are the beneficiaries of her obedience to God’s plan to save us through the death of her beloved son.  I am looking forward to hearing all about it in heaven someday and seeing God’s plan for our little Michael from an eternal perspective then as well.  Won’t it be great to be on the other side of this life and see God’s perfect plan?

I would love to be able to publish what I shared at this tea in the future so I would appreciate prayers for that as well.  I know publishing would allow more people to be encouraged by the Lord’s faithfulness and given hope for their particular situations as well.  At least I love reading about His faithfulness to others in difficult circumstances =).  Hey, we are all in this life together and when we don’t know the future, it helps to be reminded Who does hold the future and how much He loves each of us!

Merry Christmas and thank you for your continued prayers!

Celebrating the greatest gift of all- Jesus,

Elizabeth

“I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2: 10-11